Just exactly why are
the "Three R's" so important to school success,
and what can parents do to promote them?
Respect
A
child who respects his or her parents will transfer that
respect to teachers. As a result, he will pay
attention in class; and it goes without saying, the more
attention he pays, the more he will learn.
A child's respect for parents
develops in two stages. First, the child must trust
that his parents are capable of providing for and protecting
him under any and all circumstances. This cornerstone
is laid during infancy and early toddlerhood, during which
the child is the center of his or her parents'
attention. As the child grows, however, the parents
must slowly but surely "turn the tables" such that
by age three, the child is paying more attention to them
than they are to him. This acceptance of parental
authority defines stage two. From this point on, it is
necessary that parents communicate their authority firmly,
yet lovingly. Above all else, they must never, never,
ever enter into argument with the child. If the child
disagrees with a parental decision, the parents should give
the reasons behind the decision, but make no attempt to
reason. These are parents who understand that a child
will understand and agree with an adult point of view when
the child becomes an adult, and not one minute sooner.
The child has complete permission to disagree, question, and
express opinion (without which the seeds of rebellion are
sown), but does not have permission to disobey. In the
final analysis, the child does as he or she is told not
because of bribe or brutality or persuasive explanation, but
because he is told. Old-fashioned? I prefer
tried-and-true. Consider also that teachers expect
exactly the same of the child in class.
Responsibility
In
school, children are given assignments on a daily
basis. They are expected to do those assignments
properly and turn them in on time. In order to
properly prepare a child for these expectations, parents
should create similar ones in the home. In other
words, they should assign a daily routine of chores which
the child must do properly and according to a specific
schedule. These chores, by the way, should be
contributed, as opposed to paid for.
Talking with parents around the
country, I consistently find that those children who accept
full responsibility for their homework tend to occupy
positions of responsibility within their families. It
makes sense, doesn't it? A child who is in the habit
of accepting assignment at home will be more likely to
accept it at school. Not complicated at all.
Resourcefulness
This
third "R" can be defined as the ability to do a
lot with a little. Resourcefulness cannot be
taught. Its potential exists within every child and
emerges as the child must make-do. In other words,
resourcefulness develops in response to scarcity and the
need to be an active, inquisitive problem-solver. It
follows that too many toys, an overload of adult-organized
after-school activities, and too much television all
interfere with the emergence of resourcefulness. Too
many toys (more than a toybox full) overrides the need to
make-do. Too many after-school activities (more than
one at a time) prevents self-reliance. Too much
television (more than five hours a week) induces a state of
near-perpetual inactivity.
About the
author: Psychologist John Rosemond has worked with
families since earning his Master's degree in 1971, and now
devotes his time to speaking and writing. he has
written nine best-selling parenting books and his parenting
column is syndicated in approximately 200 newspapers
nationwide. Since January 2000, he has given more than
200 talks before audiences. More information can be
found at his website, www.rosemond.com
